I am never going to get out of that fucking hospital!!!!

  I’m trapped like my main character.  It’s fucking disgusting how disappointed I am that I didn’t get a interview for a job I really wanted.  I’m not sure if that is a sign of adulthood or immaturity. I feel like I spend a good amount of energy going after what I want.  And get a tiny fraction back for all the fucking effort.

Has something changed so dramatically that success is for other people?  Did I flame out years ago and I’m just now realizing that I’m a coal that refuses to give up that last little bit of spark in the face of insurmountable odds?  

God!  I was really hoping positive things would come my way since I start being positive.  Or at least striving for a healthier outlook on life.  Is just a normal nine to five heading further away from my goals.  Is the universe trying to tell me to go for the dreams? Or sit your ass down and trudge and toil like the other cogs in the machine.

This all sounds so self absorbed and vapid.  I don’t care I’ll own the emotions anyway. 

Anyone know the number to a psychic hotline I need some solid advice.